I am feeling my way into these pages – realising that I often internalise and that part of my own learning and evolution (and ours) is to get it out! Thank you for being here.
I have been in melt down/crises and evolving (if not breaking through!) for a couple of weeks now, in various forms – precipitated by being in this group, in this process, and particularly thanks to the perpetual practice and engagement required from day to day, moment to moment, as we move from one Thursday presentation to the next. It peaked within me when we had Thursday, followed by Friday as the first presentation to ‘the wider group’ – for those interested in joining the CEC programme – already nearly 2 weeks ago on 6 July.
I had been consciously and intently engaged and very at ease – often in this ‘zone’ all falls into place, often in the moment and it feels good (often enhanced by a Just in Time boost in energy/flow). And yet in the few hours pre our Friday session, I froze and my computer froze (which then went on to be pronounced dead at the computer shop – mentioned that somewhere else in these posts since then). I felt I had no voice, no energy, no nothing – yet somehow still managed to say something (even though I felt like jumping in the sea and going for a very long swim and perhaps never returning – that strong) – after the call, I was devastated, felt I would need to leave you, not continue …..
And I didn’t mention it, didn’t reach out to you my group, didn’t share it. I had some extraordinary and fairly similar dreams where I was lost, excluded, hounded. And gradually gone through our CeC process ….because there was nothing else I could do.
Finally just saying it as I felt it (to Michael – having had the opportunity to see him face to face this week, passing through the area) – without going into ‘the work’ of it at all, yet simply talking and somehow KNOWING that it was moving on/changing/shifting as we spoke (because it is shared and it is part of our whole – it has to be!) – has eased and is easing the deep pattern. And as we talked and shared, it has become clear for me that I am sharing the Fear of Success – I knew it at some level and simply didn’t ‘get’ it at others – and that by us clearing in ourselves we are clearing in others, and in clearing in others, we are clearing in ourselves. The very cycle we are co-creating in Conscious Evolution coaching. And as he has cleared, so am I, and you and we all.
I am deeply moved by this vulnerability, and know too that it is a source of strength/power and evolution in action. Thank you.
Now on with tomorrow’s presentation ..
With Peace and Love to you